sugarrush

2008-05-06T07:21:00.000-07:00

In my hand
I hold my knife
With a flick of my wrist
I can end my life

I press it against my throat
The metal is very cold
If I die right now
I won't die old

I think about my memories
The good times and the bad
Hardly any good times
Which makes me sad

I slide the knife across my neck
And all I see is red
The blood dripping down
I fall to the ground, dead

bahss sorry for the sad poem
again
but ii really like the third para.

um ya so this is gonna be my last post.
too many tears.
too many hurt faces.
too many broken hearts.
its too much to handle.
so its over.

ya ii am sorry for all those people ii have hurt through my post
iim sorry.

ii noe my apology is not gonna help so
fine go ahead and shoot me.

ya ii maybe back
someday
but that depends on wether ii can learn to control myself.
iim too rash .
you say its better to rite wats on my mind then bottle it up.
but there are somethings better left unsaid.

iim sorry.
ii screw up alot.

her fingers spoke for the last time at 2240

2008-05-03T07:15:00.000-07:00

One Mistake, That's All It Takes To Ruin a Friendship
Look into those eyes that done you so wrong
You wanted revenge for oh so long
She was that darling that stole his kiss
She was that darling that only wanted bliss
He was yours but no longer anymore
She didn't mean no harm, it was love in her core
You have that blade in your mind and in soulIt burned like flames heated by cole
Scratch up your face with those bloody fingernails
And drop remaining blood onto some mail
Send her that message of love and hate,
That you're afraid that you're going to lose your mate
Everyone around that watched this play from the start,
They only wish you would think twice, after all you're smart
Still even though she was your best friend and love
You automatically forgot that she is an innocent dove
Trying to bring her down with hateful words
She still stands up tall wanting to fly free like a bird
Her soul is so strong even though she has tears in her eyes
You have no regret and you never asked why
You think she has fallen
After all you can't see if she has fallen
She is so far away that you could never see
Baby girl, was letting a guy ruin your friendship worth it?
Now all you want to do is spitinto that poor lost friend's eyes.
She never meant any harm to youI guess you'll never realize what she ever meant to you
One mistake she made,
A big one indeed
She would have changed what she did if anyone gave
Still with all the sorrys she bleed out to you,
No matter how many time she silt her wrist to show you
All she wanted to do was show you how much she still cared
How after all this she is still scared
No matter what she does she'll never get you again
After all you lost a best friendShe made a mistake and now you still have him
That's worth enough to make a new kind of sin

blahs emo poem is back.
ksx this is how ii feel now
someone ii thot was my friend jux stabbed me like repeatedly.

hello you want to tok behind my back
FINE
but hello do you not realise ii am within hearing distance.
its damn obvious that you are tokin about me ++ you tok like dmn frkin loud
GAWDD get a life luh.

do you spend like the wholde day pissd off at me
bcos you think you are so dmn frkin grt.
that ii write all my posts abt you.
HELLO.
much better things to do
SO
STOP BEING SO EFFING PARANOID

as for wat u were saying.
you think she is your bf you are protecting her.
hello how long do you noe her. 5 mths.
ii noe her for 2 yrs ++ now

ii noe u think ii am a bitch
but ii dont diss my frnds
&ii dont have to.

btw ii noe u are like prob rding this & going
walao u tok so much dont want to approach me n tok face to face/
well ii was tokin to u tat dae abt my posts.
u didnt ask me anything abt it
u jumped to a conclusion
uu went to tok to her. dmn luh u think u are so grt protecting her.

ksx so yy am iii so pssd
bcos its like u a re tryin to break up our friendship
fine u mb closer to her
but still.
ask ok dont jump to conclusion.

anywayss you hurt me two times too many.
its over .
iim not gonna fight with u or wat crap
jux stay away frm me nn iii can live my life happily.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MANU4 other team1
yay ronaldo scored TWICE
hah.

still dare tell me hes not a gd player.
:) pfa footballer of the year.
40 goals so far this season.
+the cver pg of my file &heartt

wat nani did todae was like effing stupidd
but still the neil shud have got booked for falling for a light butt.
hello DRAMA MUCH.

but still it was a gd match.
there was no threat for them 2nd half onwards

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ii miss huimin & val
bahss

oh ya thanks jeddi for toking to me tat dae
rmb u dont owe her anything
if its not coming frm the heartt u shudnt do it
ksx:)

anyway yah my posts have been quite frky to some of you
sorry ksx.
ii need to get the steam outt.

maybe someday ii should go find khadija.
ii need help.
but jedii and lisa are quite gd too.
that dae ii toked to some ppl too . didnt hlp.
so thks jedii for fridae.
ii feel more confident and better now
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

maybe one day ii will come with a happy poem and happy post
till that day comes plss bare with me:)

her fingers spoke at 2228

2008-05-01T07:50:00.000-07:00

ii was happy wen ii came online

now after reading a certain someones blog my mood totally

rawrr

so pissed off larhx

like hello wats up with you liverpool fans (xcept nice mag)

why do yall hate man u soo much

like hello shudnt youall be hating chelsea or someone

why manuu

they say jealousy may turn into hate...

screw you larh s...

you think u and ur liverpool so damn frkin great isit

like pls luh

'if man u can beat barca'

its not impossible k. like wats ur prob luh. u support liverpool rite

then save ur dissing for the team that plays against pool

not man u.

gawdd

u better stay away frm me at school

or you are like seriously gonna get it from me luh.

btw this certain loser only like started watching football wen.

two mths ago.

HELLO

she prob dosent even noe wats offside.

so if you are only supporting for like the sake of some crap. or to fit in

can you like pls effing shaddup.

aniwayy for all the pool supporters out there

ii jux watched the match.

chelsea as per usual played dirrty and won.

they didnt deserve it.

there shdnt have been a penalty. or he shud have given liverpool a penalty for another tackle.

but.

aniway ii thot liverpool should have won.

this coming from a man u supporter.

& you liverpool supporters can come up to me and say

oh todae man u playing barca ii hope barca win

screw you luh.

HELLO

ii understand if liverpool vs manu then you sae ii hope liverpool win

but...

do you hear me saying ii hope chelsea beat liverpool

NO RITE

then why do you have to come up to me and piss me off.

i may say watever now.

but its getting really irritating

and the nxt person who does this to me is gonna get hell

&ii can frkin predict who tat idiot is gonna be.

ps (the liverpool fans thing is like only applying to this loser called s and some otherss)

oh ya heres a pic of wat ii wore yset:)

pluss my bangless:)

hah its was fun luh to see soo many ppl. & ii thot priya akka looked superr pretty.
xcept for the part wen someone came up to me and told me my turn would be soon
& ii was like huh????
hello ii am like 15. then she went well u all grow up fast.
painfull smilee.

no emo peom todae.
ii too lazy to find.
bahss.

her finger spoke at 2309

2008-04-30T07:29:00.000-07:00

I sit here, watching her cry,
Wondering if theres anything compared to her pain.
I know that there is nothing I can do,
She wont ever again be the same.
How could you break her heart,
Knowing that shell suffer beyond belief?

You were her water and air,
Now shes suffocating with no relief.
You left her in a state of misery,
With no one there to wipe her tears.
She struggles to regain her dignity,
While everyone just points and jeers.
And all you do is sit there,
Watching her make the same mistakes.

She doesnt care about anything anymore,
Shes let her life come to and end and break.
There is nothing anyone can do about it,
Shes broken beyond repair.
Theres nothing left to her anymore,
No other disappointment can compare.

Even if you feel remorse for your mistake,
You cant take back what youve already done.
She doesnt hate who you really are,
She hates who youve become.
She feels like shes felt this pain
Too many times before.
But this time it feels more real,
It feels like its from the core.

Her heart is aching,
For someone to stitch it back together.
For someone who will hold it there,
And keep it there forever.

But she knows that shes been broken too many times,
And not been fixed enough.
She knows everyone can see through her mask,
No matter how hard she tries to be tough.
So as you go on with your life,
Remember all the pain youve caused.
Remember all the hearts youve torn apart,
One that is forever lost.

ii really lovedd y0u.♥
but you only lovedd yourelf.

ii may smile infront of you
but you dont noe how much my heart has achedd since we screwedd up
ii made a mistake
but what you did was intentional
we apologized.
but can we ever go back....

Damn ii really screw up sometimes. (most of the times)
why is anusha so complacent
sometime ii feel like killing anusha.
screwwww.

ii screwedd bio test
ii feel like shit.
tears were like flowing to my eyes when ii saw my marks.
ii felt like slapping myslef.
SEE ANUSHA THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR BEING COMPLACENT
&like the whole class did so well
ii bet no one failedd.

ii dont think ii can go tell my mum my marks.
she still dosent noe my 2nd physics test.
ii really dunnoe wat to do. ii have disappointed her so many times
jux when she toldd me she was proud that ii did well lst yr
ii had to go and screw up my tests.

oh ya thankyouss lisa and jedii
for trying to cheer me up.
ii was like crying, then lisa came in and started being crappy
&soon ii started laffing.
but its like no matter how much ii smile or laff on the outside.

it achess like hell in side.
my eyes are burning.
my mouth keeps on puckering.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

happy married life
priya akka.
actually she got married like weeks ago in india
todae was the dinner
in temple.
the nan was nice, so was the kesari.

ii didnt bring my specs so everything was like a blur.
ii thot all the akkas look very pwetty.
ii wore this white chudi with chudi pants (like skinny jeans)
yay.
ii kept on getting scolded by my dad at home
cos ii was leaving my makeup all over the place.
then he was like commenting on my hair.
he was like eh dont pin ur fringe.
1day ago....
daddi: aiyoo pin up ur fringe luh. cannot see ur face. scaryy.
cannot stand it
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

now that all the excitement is over
ii got one dae to sleep. WATCH VALLAVAN (SIMBUUUU) & get my act together.
ITS TIME TO WAKE UP ANUSHA.
everyone is like so clever so frky.
ppl who were like no where near me lst yr
are like topping the class now
WTF
wakeup. its not too late.
push them back to where they belong
DOWN THERE.
ii dont deserve this not after how hard ii worked last year.
its not fair that you have tuition for everything but ii dont
its not fair
obvioulsy you are able to produce results.
you frk. ii hate you for being able to like pay your way to the top.

ii will get back.
&you will suffer.
ii have woken up. ii may have fallen alot.
but
now its your turnn.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

btw ii am not targetting anyone luh
well actually ii am
but jux pretend that ii am not
ii jux need to get the steam out of my headd
ii am like frkin pissed at life
leave me .
dont comment that ii am eom
cos thats how ii wanna be
so if youall not happy then leave.
do you see me holding your hand and refusing to let u leave.

if ii dont vent my anger here
will you let me vent my anger on you.
damn luh
let me be ksx.
jux leave me .

she got pissed off at 2303

2008-04-28T06:18:00.000-07:00

I plaster on this fake smile

I'll fool everyone around

They wont see the hurt

Seeing me with a frown

No one understands this pain

I'm in

No one gets that I'm a good lier

No one sees the real me

How can you when I'm just a sin?

I'll cover up the sorrow with make up

Pretend everything is ok

You'll see that I look alright

This is, of course, the only way

You can't look past this smile

Not deep down inside me

Not for another while

Never

Lies and whispers is what I do

Living life like its alright

No one shall no the truth

Look at me and you'll see this fake smile too

gawdd this is how ii feel most of the time

how long has it been since ii really smiled

when ii last saw you, when you last made me laughed.

they only see the fake smile

ii put on.

to make them shut up.
dont tell me to stop being emo.
jux bcos ii feel tired & dont want to talk much dosent mean i am emo
helloo. so irritating.

aniwaee ty minmin for understanding that ii was in pain todae
unlike some other ppl who askd me why ii sooo emo
hello. gawdd.

ksx so ii have been instructed by ppl like pinkyy to stop being so emo
& my only way to do that is to

blog about Ronaldo&manchesterunited

we did not get what we deserved.
its not fair how some teams are so lucky & can jux pull through every game through luck
but let me jux sae
since then the only english team up there is man u
helloo. last time blackburn was like second.
& chelsea and aresenal were at the second half of the table

for those with eyes who actually watched the manu chelsea match
chelsea played dirtyy
. drogba kicked vidic. kickedd
. bllack jumped ontop of ronaldo& he was like frking huggin him
unfair ii want that to be me.

haii. aniwaes, its not the end
unlike for clubs like liverpool who are out.
its super irritates me
liverpool fans.
ii noe ppl like mag & minmin are like true liverpool soccer fans.
but some ppl. some ppl only like liverpool cos its like the glamour club
the jersey nice luh. the club name nice luh.
gawdd bimbos like you ;ahem; are giving fans like us a bad name
ii bet u dont even noe wats an offsied or ever kicked a ball
& you act as if....
damn larhx
walao irritating.
btw ii saw this bimbo todae.
pissing. get a life luh, or go learn how to kick a ball. then call urself a fan.

nah pinkyy ii shall blog smth funny for you
ksx so todae min was like : eheheh wat was that guy's name ah. the hansum one who scored against manu for blackburn
me: oh ya very hansum. but not ronaldo. haii
thenn
min: ii rmb. santa cruz, whoa
natash: santa clauz. is santa clauz comin. yay. then she continues to do some lame duck dance.
hah.

oh ya todae there was smth bout santa cruz in new paper
&how manu wanna buy him
yay:)
ii think they should buy kaka:)
yayyay.
more eyecandyy

mummy baked a cake.
its nice.
mb ii bring pinkyy some.

todae ii scratched deandra
cos she punchedme.
oh ya my middle nail chipped but its still nice.
rawrrrrr

her fingers spoke at 2224

2008-04-25T19:42:00.000-07:00

Do see you see these tears?

Do you care?

I just lie to get away

From all the pain

All the sorrow.

I can't take it anymore.

It hurts so much...

But what can you do?

Most people would

Say a lot

But it's not that easy

They don't see the pain

The sorrow we go through.

It feels worse than death...

Far more worse.

But do you care?

Do you see the lies?

The fake smiles?

Or do you think it's all real?

ii jus edited the skin
so now theres this emo poem scrllin on the bar
btw
ii cant change myself jux bcos u tell me to
its not me
ii can help if u dont like how ii am
but deal with it
cos ii am not changin.

om shanti om is todae
yay.
ii like cancelled tuition so ii can sit dwn n watch itt.
funnfunn

ii need to go shoppin
majorly
&watch movie
todae is sorkalam finals
two stupidd competitors.
&they ask me go support
get real.

nxt yr is syf
ii really dunnoe wat to do.
wats gonna happen after we leave.
after the batch after us leaves,

get bronze.
ii jux dont get it.
infact ii dont even noe if ii wanna go syf
theres no passion anymore.
no happiness when ii ring.
ii dunnoe whatss happening to me.
ii miss pri sch hb.
ii miss my old conductor.
ii can wait to get this over with.
lst yr ii thought my passion was growing.
but its not.
ii want to quit but ii cant.
not after ii have commitedd.

life shucks.
where is the passion.
ii only see compliance.
if only ii had done it earlier.....

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
sangii : u picked the blog name for me luh. dumbo.
xp: hes hawtt ksx
ii dont feel like typing anymore. ii reply the rest later
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

she spoke at 1123

2008-04-23T07:36:00.000-07:00

omg btw american idol
both the davids are singing songs ii played on hb
soooo cool
its think about me & music of the night
soo cool
ii can jux immagin me playing my bells
in the nice part
cool sia

she rang the bell a lil later at 2238

2008-04-23T07:22:00.000-07:00

adai mazhai varum adhil nanaivoamae
kuLir kaaychchaloadhu sila naeram oru poarvaikkuL iru thookkam
kuLu kuLu poygaL solli enai velvaay
adhu therindhum kooda anbae manam adhaiyaedhaan edhirpaarkkum
engaeyum poagaamal dhinam veettilaeyae nee vaendum
sila samayam viLaiyaattaay un aadaikkuL naan vaendum

dhinam nee kuLiththadhum enaith thaedi
en saelai nuniyaal undhan thalai thudaippaayae adhu kavidhai
thirudan poal padhungiyae dhideer enru
pinnaalirundhu enai nee aNaippaayae adhu kavidhai
yaaraenum maNi kaettaal adhai sollak koodath theriyaadhae
kaadhalenum mudivalieyil gadigaara naeram kidaiyaadhae

gawdd this song makes my heartt melt everytime ii hear it
its super nice
&stuck in my head:)

you may thinks its over just because you said sorry
but honn its far from over
this is only the start
& its gonna hurt much harderr now

you made me cry once
ii am gonna make you cry forever.

pain is temporary
grudges held are forever

her heart cried at 2236

2008-04-21T07:19:00.000-07:00

The love I have is always fake,

Full of happiness and promises that break.

So i need someone to hold me today,

Will you be here to stay?

My dreams are no longer sweet,

Their nightmares that make my heart weep.

(Although the night is young and dark-

Please take the keys and rip my heart).

I am isolated in your deceptive words,

Trying to scream but can't be heard.

Trapped with nowhere to go,

This is the place i now call home.

The voices mummer threw the walls

Silent shrieks echo the halls.

With guilty pleasures suffocating my head,

Everything i do is always mislead.

I try to sleep in my dread,

Torn threw the seams you've ripped the thread.

I'll close my eyes and wait till tomorrow,

Hopefully it wont bring anymore sorrow.

thats how ii felt todae when my nail chipped.

torn apart.

min still laff at me somemore.

haiix some ppl jux dont understand.

only rezi went omg, so poor thing.

yay rezii.

khadija pranked me todae

gawdd ii feel so sotong-ified

hah she made me look at a two dollar note, find the boy who is eating ice cream ii lok look look cannot find

then she sae oops he finish eating icecram

aiyoo

btw she jux told me she got more.

ii dont feel emo todaee

ii too tried to feel anything

we had like hb self prac fr frkin 2hrs

one song

helooooooooo

omg then finish lesson they sae slf prc ii was like gonna throw my bell at blur jiahui.

gawdd

then get on the bus. pack sia

the stupid bus was stuck outside bendemeer sec for like thirty mins

gosh

ii nearly fell asleep luh.

ii ate angel spaghetti

although ii told kemei ii dont like

actually ii dont like but got no choice

ii think parmesan cheese taste like vomit.

we came up with a new farewell theme

my idea

dorothy ; omg so nice.

hah. thanks suhasini

ii told sangii about that "hawtt" ri guy

she like died laffin after she heard his"impressive" ex-es

ii frkd out wen rezii told me this.

oh ya ii lost 3kg.

on my way. on my way.

quite happy that ii didnt gain.

but ii shrank luh

wth.

ii hvnt grown since p6.

ii put back the tagboard.
cos it didnt make any sense why ii care what you sae,
ii ve grown past that
and ii wont fall again

MANU 1 blackburn 1
its not meant to be . we were suppose to win
but its okay luh
we can afford to lose pts for the sake of blackburn
bcos thier manager is ex- man u player
so ferguson & the players give him chance luh

happy early bdae kaka (its tml)
happy now zura:)

her fingers spoke at 2243

2008-04-20T06:27:00.000-07:00

You're the essence of my laughter,
The reason for my smiles.
You're the joy that I need.
Without you, I'd be suicidal.
You're my bliss.
You're the basis of my existence.
You're the reason I'm still alive,
The reason I haven't given up on life.
Long distance relationships are murderous,
Hard to live like this, hard to trust
But I will stay 100% loyal to you
As long as were together.
I hope our bond never withers.
I will NEVER lie to you.
I hope you'll do the same.
As long as youre with me, I'll be okay.
I will keep my side of the bargain,
Stay true to myself,
Keep you comforted when you need it
I hope you make me feel like this forever.
I hope you love me too,
Love me as much as I love you.
Because you're my love,
My passion,
my life.
You're my absolute,
Unconditional,
Definite,
Unlimited,
Complete and utter everything.
And I love you.

nicenice. haiix

its funny how when ii was five ii wanted to meet barney
when ii was nine ii wanted to be able to fly
when ii was twelve ii didnt want to grow up
when ii was 14 ii didnt want to leave you
now ii jus wanna make through one day without crying.
isit just too much to ask for. but it seems the most impossible
now even flying seems....

omg ii miss val. she called me tat dae and her voice can so jus cheer me up.
she was watching sorkalam. which had like no subs.
so she didnt understand anything. but she still watch cos it was cedar.]
damn she so cutee luh.
ii miss 2a. um actually not really
ii miss bella.jean &val
no one can replace them
ii feel like super out of place in 3m.
sometimes ii wish that wen ii turn around bella is sitting behind me , just like lst yr.
when we crapped troughout the whole mth period mr ang would get like supper pissed but ...hah

oh ya tat dae ii saw my pri sch fren . ii called her name she saw me she wave then she walked away as if seeing me was like something that happen to her everydae.
ii was just standing there going. eh she didnt even sae hi. how r u.

why has everyone seem to move on when ii am still clinging onto the past
relieving all those times ii spent with y0u.
y0u just seem to not understand.

tmlll
is 2.4, handbell&
drum roll pls
TL INTERVIEW
they sae they need our results, get it on eportal
like whr its so not there so ii had to like rmb wat my lst yr results where
which ii culdnt. so just put the grade luh.

todaee
ii was suppose to watch definately, maybe
but NO
instead ii was dragged to go car shopping
but nie luh. ii went and sat in the convertibles
there was porsche but the car was locked. haiix.

her finger spoke at 2149

2008-04-19T08:39:00.000-07:00

&the proud will never fall
Ksx ii hav like no idea wat tat means but jozie told me n ii think its sounds nice
In officially bout one hrs time Manchester united takes on Blackburn
Whoots
&anusha will be watching. Hoiyan betta be watchin too
Sho sad liverpoool jus scored but they got the ball through a foul
So it so shudnt be counted.
ii bet mag damn happy now sia

Oh ya todae ii wen shoppin with my mum n sis
We were at the mall.
ii was wearin like this figure huggin lil miss tee. N low jeans
So wen ii bent down to take vmth naturally ii kinda flashed luh
Then my sis wen show show show somemore larh
& she pulled my shirt up. Infront of like. Haii
Manam poiyidichu larh

Yay ii am like getting high on tl
Farewell comin up. Its gonna be ubber nice
Cos sec4s deserve it. Its gone be harf to get us up to tat stanfarf.
Cedar jothi anaiya jothi
Btw interview on mon . arghx ii scared omer there. Haii..

On fridae ii tokd ms yeo my maths results ii felt do sad.
Over n over ii keep on dissapointin her.
Gawdd wats wrong with me
She tells me to be careful n not svrew up.n ii screw up big time
ii felt like dying
Plus some maths women in my school is being a … haii ii cant stand her larh
Like wat did ii do to you.
Its like she n English women have smth against me.
Its been so long ago but ii cant get it out of my head.
Cos of me ii got nat n jed into trouble
Sorry.
ii sat up the whole night cryin yet the pain still feels so frsh n ii don’t unferstand why.
Sangii was so rite bout her.

I said 'God it hurts'

And God said 'I Know'

I said 'God I cry alot'

And God said 'That's why I gave you tears'

I said 'God I get so depressed'

And God said 'That why I gave you sunshine'

I said god I feel Alone'

And god said 'That's why I gave you loved ones'

I said 'God it hurts'

And God said 'I know'

ksx ii edited abit cos. there was a cross part. iim hindu bbtw
Aniiwaes. Thanks mag. for triyin to cheer me.
Jedii its ok luh not ur fault. Aniwae u dont sad k.

2008-04-18T20:03:00.000-07:00

gawdd. my commm sucks
ksx its gonna like take super long for me to edit my template cos everytime ii am done it hangs then diee.
haiix.

starting

2008-03-07T06:35:00.000-08:00

yay ii started bloggin
again
after like how many months:)

thanks to mag(for influencin me)
&sangii (for helpin me choose the name)